Judgements may lead to feelings of shame
Dr Amanda Darnley (03:20):
It's those judgments that you're having about what is going on that are leading to your feelings of shame and embarrassment. So your kid though is really just responding to their own emotional state. They're getting overwhelmed by whatever the situation is, and they're having a hard time managing themselves. So it's really important to distinguish what we're feeling from our, our own thoughts and judgments versus what we're feeling in response to our children. I think being able to separate those things makes us more capable in that moment to respond to our child out of connection and empathy, rather than out of anger or embarrassment or shame, we're going to have very different responses depending on where we're coming from in that moment, this is really difficult to do. And so in order to kind of practice this it's helpful to do some mindfulness exercises in calm moments.
Dr Amanda Darnley (04:46):
So not just practicing it in stressful moments. So the more we practice mindfulness on a, on a day to day, the easier it's going to become to be able to stay mindful in in stressful situations. And again, this is difficult to do so cut yourself some Slack. We are we're imperfect. No matter how hard we try as parents, we are gonna mess up every now and then, and you know what that's okay. I, you know, in those times that we can't model effective emotion regulation, let's say we do lose her cool in target in response to our kids meltdown. What we can do in in those situations is we can take accountability for our actions and model taking responsibility and owning up to our mistakes with a nice, good heartfelt apology. And that's just as important in in parenting. So that's what I have for you today. Thank you so much for joining me and take good care of yourself.
Make sure to watch the full documentary on childhood emotions. You'll learn how to help your child manage their own emotions. You'll learn about your own emotions and how they affect your child. And you'll learn simple ways of helping children improve behavior.
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