Are you ever embarrassed or just feel anxious when your child behaves poorly?
Of course, it is natural to feel that way. Mothers worry. Fathers worry. We want the best for our child and it’s easy to feel that way.
But I’d like to point out something that might help the way you feel. And will also help you easily make a positive change in your child’s behavior and mood.
It's about our biology
If your child has outbursts, tantrums, or any bad behaviors they are likely triggered by something very biological.
Using some very easy neuroscience-based methods.
Here’s what is likely happening.
If a child is struggling in school some very primal responses kick in. This is because a very primal part of the brain gets triggered. This part of the brain is called the amygdala. The amygdala will perceive the academic struggle as a serious threat. A threat to their very survival.
Obviously, it’s not. It is not a real danger. But that doesn’t matter. The amygdala thinks it’s real and the amygdala is in charge. Because when the amygdala is awakened it takes charge of the entire brain.
The amygdala will trigger tantrums, outbursts, mopey moods, and all sorts of bad things.
The Amygdala Hijack
Your child may seem to change from their sweet little self into a monster. That’s an amygdala hijack. The amygdala is hijacking their normal personality. This happens in adults too. However, in adults, we call it hypertension.
Hypertension leads to heart disease, the number 1 cause of death in the US. And all sorts of other terrible things.
In children, it leads to avoidance behaviors such as tantrums.
Remember, the amygdala is not logical. It is a very old part of our brain that does this. It hasn’t evolved into the modern world. It does not know that these things are not real existential threats.
That doesn’t matter, it’s in charge until we lull it back to sleep. So to stop the bad behavior, that's what we do
Here’s how the amygdala "thinks":
Amygdala: “If I can’t do this homework I might be perceived as stupid”
Amygdala: “If I am stupid Mommy and Daddy won’t love me”
Amygdala: “If mommy and Daddy don’t love me I will die”
As I said, it’s not true at all. That logic is very flawed.
Your child’s amygdala just doesn’t know that. It evolved in a time when being a part of the tribe meant survival. And anything that might mean removal from the tribe means likely death to the amygdala.
So with that in mind, maybe your child’s occasional bad behavior doesn’t seem so bad. Right?
It’s not bad parenting.
It’s not a bratty child.
It’s an amygdala hijack.
It’s the same reason that over 600,000 people die of heart attacks in the US each year. Their amygdala is perceiving danger that is not real danger. This keeps them in fight or flight mode. When this goes on long-term it is called hypertension.
And it IS deadly.
It does a good job of destroying brains too. Or at the least limiting their capabilities.
Step #1
So that’s the first step. Just knowing this.
Knowing that the anxiety your child feels is real and intense. And it is not logical. But it is affecting them in a very real way.
And you can get rid of it. And when you do things will be very different. Life will be much easier.
Key Takeaways:
Mothers Are Stressed Too!
By the way there was a study that found that mothers of children who are struggling in school are more stressed out also.
So it’s important to be kind to yourself.
Plus your child needs you around and healthy.
I know it’s hard, but try to relax. We’ll get through this. And when we do things might just be better than you can imagine right now.
Imagine what it would be like if your child was happier and loved to learn new things?
Imagine how you would feel if that stress you are probably feeling was magically lifted away?
Probably pretty good right?
So to recap:
- It’s not your fault.
- It has a deep-seated biological cause.
- You can get your child through it with neuroscience-based techniques.
Unfortunately, the school system often doesn’t help The school system is setup to produce students much in the same way as the factories in the industrial revolution produced parts.
Cookie cutter.
This is no coincidence. The modern-day school system was produced by the factory mentality of the industrial revolution. And it hasn’t changed much in the last 150 years. Some kids just don’t fit that mold. If they don’t fit into that mold they may start to think that they are stupid.
The worst part is these are often the smartest kids.
Kids can develop some really bad emotions because of this. If that goes on too long it can be extremely damaging. It can have lifelong effects.
Better to stop the downward spiral as quickly as possible.
There are some that have an instant effect and can be used at critical times. Such as our physiology-based mood-changing exercises.
There are some that work over time.
Gradually building up your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem until they become a learning dynamo and unleash their true potential.
These are tried and true neuroscience-based strategies that every parent should know.
They give you an upper edge in parenting. And eliminate the monsters
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