Learning should be fun. Children want to learn - they crave it actually. When a child has lost their desire for learning they have lost one of their fundamental joys. If they are in a state of "painful learning" something must be done quickly because things quickly get worse.
- Remember, homework is suppossed to be practice of something they have already learned. If they are struggling with it there is a problem.
- Don't add more academics to your child's schedule. If your child did not learn to read while sitting in school all day, then odds are that having him/her read some more at night is not going to help. The reading needs to be taught in a different manner for your child to learn to read. The same is true for all of the subjects.
- Keep from over scheduling your child. A student who learns differently is working at capacity all day. When that student gets home, he/she is fatigued. Down time is of importance. This doesn't mean constant television and video games, but it means park visits, play dates, and unstructured activities.
- Make sure the amount of time spent on homework is appropriate for age. It's a good idea to keep a log of how much time is spent. It not only gives you a clearer picture but it gives you something to bring to teachers if needed.
- Fighting over homework is a losing battle for both sides. Don't take the bait. Your child learns how to push your buttons. You get frustrated and your child will learn to hate learning. For most children, immediatly after school is not the best time for homework. Let them get in some physical activity to refresh their brains.
- Use the power of micro commitments to transition your child from play time to homework time. Start with asking for tiny things that can't be refused. Then slightly more involved things. Until finally, the biggie, homework. You'll have to be creative with this and mix things up so your child doesn't start to recognize the pattern.
- Children often do better in a common area where others are working on their "homework" also.
- Praise the effort, not the outcome. Use very specific praise. This allows your child to form their own opinion of themselves. For example you might say "I like how you have written those letters very neatly with proper spacing and following the lines". Your child will translate this in their own mind to "I am very neat". The translation in their own mind is far more powerful than you telling them that THEY are neat.
If things have already become really bad
- Don't tell the student to try harder. This just makes the student go into fight of flight mode, where learning is even more difficult.
- Consider a different school if your child's school has a rigorous curriculum. There are charter schools and private schools that can offer different curriculum. Or consider homeschool
- Understand that there is hope for the student who learns differently. The weak learning systems can be strengthened. It's done all the time with neuro-sensory educational therapy. With time and work, students can learn to function in a traditional classroom setting.
There are easy to use at home assessments you can use to get a better understanding of where your child's weaknesses are. If the problem seems to be mostly with math, start with a dyscalculia test. If it's with reading start with a dyslexia test. If it's writing start with a dysgraphia test. Or even better than testing. Just get to work on the problem. Start doing the exercises that build up the components of learning. The exercises that build up the fundamental skills of learning are actually very easy, can be game like, and are great for building up confidence through small successes.
Just as a reminder. The path to ultimate success involves:
- Building up the foundational skills of learning
- Building confidence
- Integrating the body
If you have a student who is a "painful learner" it's important to act quickly. Every day affects your child's learning potential. Each year that an academic gap takes place, the learning gap widens and it takes longer and is more difficult to close. Use the steps above as a stop gap to help but also get your child on a program that develops the fundamentals of learning, builds self confidence back up, and integrates the body to develop neurogenesis and neuroplasticity. Your child's future depends on it.