The same goes for parents of Children who are suffering from a learning challenge. Waiting too long to start the right program or picking the wrong program risks your child losing self-confidence. They may lose self-confidence to the point of completely giving up on themselves and diving into depression or anti-social activities. Neither of which typically has a good ending.
I spend a lot of time listening to parents. And commonly what I hear is:
"I've spent so much time and money on different programs for my child. I am afraid to risk trying one more thing that might not work"
And I totally understand this sentiment.
Failure seems to be more common than not. There are so many programs that make so many promises and I guarantee that not all of them are a fit for your child. No matter what the promise. Some are. Some are not.
Additionally, there are also three main reasons for the failure of these programs. None of these reasons usually get addressed. Strategies to overcome these problems are often not instituted in a plan. You'll understand those three reasons by the end of this article.
Let's get to reason #1
Which Reading (or math, or writing) Program Should My Child Do?
That is the most common question. And unfortunately, it is the question that is flawed. In most cases, that question will not have a good answer at first. It will later on, but at first, it probably won't.
The reason for this is because language comes before reading. And before language comes interpretation of the world around us. Our sensory input. If our language skills are not fully developed then building good reading skills on top of that will be impossible. If our sensory skills are not developed then building language skills on top of that will be all but impossible.
Yet many programs try to simply find better ways to teach reading. Rather than finding a solution to the underlying problem. That is a case of putting the cart before the horse. It's not going to end well.
And here's the shocking fact. The majority of poor readers have an auditory processing problem of some sort. Additionally, it is very likely that they have a visual processing problem as well. Visual tracking would be an example. And on top of that, the odds are also very high that proprioceptive skills may need further development for their brain to work at it's best.
So trying to build reading skills without developing these underlying skills is going to lead to disaster. And that happens all the time
Instead, the right question is:
What combination of neurodevelopment skills and academic skills should I be doing with my child?
For every child that is going to be different. Every child and every adult should be doing some amount of neurodevelopment skills. We want to have our best brain possible right?
Yet instead, many just pile on more academics thinking that will solve the problem. It won't. and in fact, it will make the problem worse. Why? Because doing academics that the child has not been properly prepared for will destroy every bit of self-confidence that they have. They will assume they are stupid even though they may be extremely intelligent. They will develop avoidance strategies. Strategies such as procrastination, temper tantrums, acting bored, acting lazy, being overly sweet, cute, or accommodating.
All of these are strategies to save face. To avoid looking stupid to others. Especially you.
And...
They May Develop Anxiety
And herein lies the clue that parents should look for. Is my child experiencing anxiety? They may hide it well. So you have to be vigilant.
- The existence of avoidance tactics is a sure sign.
- The existence of physical symptoms is a sure sign.
- Diminished self-esteem is a sure sign
- Not having a strong desire to learn is a sure sign.
If any of these is going on then this is a clue that there should be fewer academics and more neurodevelopment that should be going on.
Additionally, a strategy for developing confidence should be put in place.
Monitoring anxiety and confidence is how you know.
If there are anxiety and low confidence levels then you likely need to back off the academics and do more neurodevelopmental development and more confidence building.
If confidence is soaring then full speed ahead with the academics and fit a little neurodevelopment and confidence building in here and there.
Track it. Log it. Watch for small changes. And when I say small changes I mean really small changes. Tiny clues that tell you which way you are moving. Forget where your child is not. It doesn't matter right now. What matters is where they are and what is the best next step. Keep doing that and eventually, they will thrive.