Possibility 3 - Low Self-Esteem
The third possibility is that your child is actually being treated well. Maybe with a stern hand. But with their best interest at heart and in a caring way. But your child is perceiving that they are being singled out.
A common reason for this is low self-esteem. When we have low self-esteem we see everything through a different lens. Things that mean nothing may be perceived as a threat.
Children in this situation can become overly emotional. If this is a possibility then I would encourage you to watch our full-length documentary on the subject called “The Overly Emotional Child”. It can be found on Amazon Prime Video and other major movie platforms.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem and low self-confidence can happen due to several possible causes. It could be a learning struggle. And in most cases, the behavior that expresses this low self-esteem gets noticed long before the learning struggle. The learning struggle can go on for years undiscovered but continues to cause damage to your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence.
If this is a possibility observe your child closely. Do they struggle with certain types of homework? Does their behavior change at certain times of the day? Around certain activities?
Start there and also use your parental spidey sense. Parents can be very intuitive. Watch for little clues that lead you to an answer to what is really going on. You might be surprised by what you find.
Possibility 4 - A Combo
The fourth possibility is sort of a combination of the last two. Your child learns differently or struggles with certain things and the teacher is way too overwhelmed to give your child the specialized help that they need.
Of all of the possibilities, this is the most likely. If your wondering about that watch our video on types of learning disabilities. It may help you recognize a problem.
Possibility 5 - Personality Clash With Teacher
And the fifth possibility?, It is possible that your child and the teacher just have personalities that won’t mesh. As long as your child is getting their educational needs met in a kind and empathetic manner then a little personality clashing might be okay. It might be an opportunity to teach your child to deal with these situations. They do come up in life at some point. Talk to them about going a little overboard in their efforts in class. Trying to get the best grades possible. In this way, they are handling it themselves and because of that, feeling empowered. * If the situation is not too terrible, this might be the best approach. Talk to your child about it each day. Ask about any progress made. Tiny things matter. This way you can monitor and encourage as well as feel comfortable that you don’t need to step in. There’s a time for mama bear but if baby bear can handle it alone then that’s a pretty big deal. There’s a possibility for learning and growth here. It’s possible that this could thelp your child develop an amazing people management skill that could be useful for a lifetime.
You might work with your child to make a list of things they do like about the teacher. Add to it when you can. This will get them to notice the positive more. It can also resolve black-and-white thinking. Nobody is all bad, or all good. And, it’s possible, that when they start thinking more positively the teacher will too.
Possibilty 6 - Is It Bullying
If the situation seems to be more about school itself rather than a specific teacher, first make sure that no bullying is going on, then consider talking to your child about some small goal setting. It doesn’t have to be academic in nature. Maybe something like making more friends or participating in some activity. This can help your child think more positively about school in general.
If the situation seems beyond all of this then you’ll have to step in of course. A simple phone call to get the teacher's point of view may be enough. Assume good intent here. Go in treating the teacher as an ally. You may learn something that can be easily addressed.
Another step is to schedule a time to monitor the classroom. Observe what is really going on. Of course everything is different when observed but it should still help.
Meeting with the Teacher
If you have to schedule a meeting with the teacher then write out your goals first. These goals should be about gathering data. What questions will you ask? What would be the most beneficial tone? How are staff-student relational issues normally handled at the school?
Also what data will you provide? Think about things like, are there specific times when this issue comes up? Around test time. Certain subjects? Monday? How often? When did it start?
And best of all, how can you help. This may initiate a short brainstorming session with the teacher. You can then try out strategies and monitor.
If you are anxious going in don’t be afraid to say it. Something like, “Hey I’m a little anxious about this. So I could seem a little on edge, but I want the best for all of us”
And before leaving set a follow-up plan. When will you talk again? How will you know if there is progress?
If all else fails, then you’ll need to go up a level. Speak to the school principal. But don’t lose hope here. It still doesn’t have to become adversarial. There are some very skilled principals out there that can get situations resolved. But like in anything. There are bad ones too.
So let’s put all this info into a simple strategy. There are five parts to this strategy and the order is critical. Unfortunately, most people start with part five. That’s usually a disaster. So let's not do that.