It’s important to speak in ways that praise effort. This builds a growth mindset. It puts the value of hard work and effort at the forefront. Hard work and effort are within your child’s control. So this empowers them rather than disempowering them by talking about an attribute like how smart they are or how pretty they are.
Since your probably getting the gist of this now let’s go through the rest of the phrases a little quicker.
- "I wish you weren't born!" - Instead you could say "I'm glad you are here"
- "You're not trying hard enough!" - Instead you could say "Let's talk about what you can do to improve" or "Let's talk about what's preventing you from trying your best."
- "You're so careless!" - Instead you could say "Let's focus on being more mindful"
- "You're being ridiculous!" - Instead you could say "Let's talk about your feelings in a respectful way"
- "You're too sensitive!" - Instead you could say "It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes"
- "It's your fault!" - Instead you could say "Let's talk about how we can solve this together"
- "You're too fat!" - Instead you could say "I'm here to support your health and wellbeing"
- "You're always making mistakes!" - Instead you could say "Let's work on improving your accuracy"
- "You're not listening!" - Instead you could say "Let's talk about what I just said"
- "It's too complicated for you!" - Instead you could say "Let's break it down and work on it step by step" 30.
- "Why can't you be more like me!" - Instead you could say "We're different and that's okay"
- "You don't care!" - Instead you could say "I know this is important to you, let's talk about how we can make it work"
- "You're not special!" - Instead you could say "I'm proud of the way you're unique"
- "You'll never make it!" - Instead you could say "I'm here to support you and help you reach your goals"
- "It's my way or the highway!" - Instead you could say "Let's discuss the options and see what works best for everyone"
- "You'll never get it right!" - Instead you could say "I believe in you, let's figure out how to do this together"
- "You're too noisy!" - Instead you could say "Let's find a quieter activity"
- "You're not smart enough!" - Instead you could say "I believe in you, let's work on improving your skills"
- "You're so clumsy!" - Instead you could say "Let's practice to improve your coordination"
- "You're so lazy!" - Instead you could say "I'd like to see you work harder"
- "You're just like your father/mother!" - Instead you could say "You have certain traits that remind me of your father/mother"
- "You're going to get in trouble!" - Instead you could say "I'm worried this might lead to an undesirable outcome"
- "You're so stupid!" - Instead you could say "Let's work on improving your skills"
- "It's too late now!" - Instead you could say "Let's figure out how to move forward"
- "You're not doing enough!" - Instead you could say "Let's talk about what you can do to improve"
- "You're not good enough!" - Instead you could say "I believe in you, let's work on improving your skills"
- "You'll never succeed!" - Instead you could say "I know you can do it, let's figure out how to reach your goals"
- "You're not good at anything!" Instead you could say "You have strong skills, what can you do to help you be successful in this?"
- "You're not special!" ⇨ "You have so many unique qualities, tell me about one of them."
- "You're a bad kid!" Instead you could say "We all make mistakes, what can you do to make it right this time?"
- "Why can't you be more organized!" Instead you could say "Let's talk about strategies to help you better manage your time and resources."
- "You can do better!" ⇨ "Tell me about what you can do to achieve the best possible outcome."
- "You should be ashamed!" ⇨ "What can you learn from this experience to help you next time?"
And the all-time favorite #50
"Go to your room!" - Instead you could say "Let's take a break and come back to this conversation later."
How did you do? Are you a perfect parent? Never used any damaging phrases?
Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve had a few Oops moments. If so, congratulations, you’re human.
If you’d like a printable list of these, just in case you want to practice. You can get that here.
And also congratulations on being an awesome parent. How do I know?
Because you made it through this whole list. That’s how.
And since I know you are interested in improving your parenting skills even more how about you watch this next video on how to help your child improve their confidence. You can get it right here.