Chari Twitty-Hawkins is featured in the new documentary, The Overly Emotional Child
This new documentary helps parents gain a deeper understanding of why children may have BIG Emotions.
Learn how you can help your child:
- Eliminate tantrums
- Stop shutting down
- prevent overreacting
Like a complete course to help parents and children gain emotional intelligence together.
Get more info on the documentary at
www.learningsuccesssystem.com/documentary/emotional
Liz Weaver (00:00):
In today's video, we have cherry 20 Hawkins cherry incorporates her faith, her experience as a wife, mother, CEO, author, and speaker, to inspire women to thrive in their calling as mothers and wives, while making themselves a priority and living their personal ambitions of God's unique purpose for their lives in this video. Cherry talks about how the more like you, your child is the more frustrating it can be and what to do about that. Let's watch.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (00:31):
Hello. I am cherry Twitty Hawkins your mom motivator, and being a mom. I have dealt with some very stressful situations with my children, having boys and girls. And it seems like I heard this in the past about my mother and myself that we didn't get along because we're so much alike. But it seems like with our kids, when they're more alike, the way that we are, it seems like it can be more frustrating raising them. And my daughter, she sometimes gets overly frustrated about things. And when she's frustrated, I get frustrated and we're like this. And one of them said, okay, Chari, this is not effective. This is not effective parenting. Our job as parents is to teach our children how to have a healthy relationship with their emotions, how to express their feelings in a positive way. And if I'm responding in a negative way, I'm doing the complete opposite.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (01:29):
So one day she was frustrated with her homework and just like, Oh, I don't, I don't like that. I can't do it. I was like, Oh, something I'm going to sit here and said, you can not keep reacting the same way. Because when we react in a negative way towards our kids, they're either going to suppress those feelings, which we don't want, or they're going to blow up and react the same way you're reacting, which we don't want. That is not teaching them healthy expression of their feelings. And I decided that if I was there frustrated and couldn't deal in a proper way, I would take a mom time out. And then during that time I would assess, okay, you're irritated. You need to calm down. You need to calm down. What are your expectations of your daughter? And are they realistic? Because sometimes we expect way more or our kids then they are able to produce because she's nine years old and I made it, expecting her to react like an adult.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (02:35):
And sometimes we do that. We do that. You might say what, but sometimes we do that. We have these high expectations of our kids when they're really still learning how to deal with stress, how to deal with kids at school, you know, making fun of them, how to deal with homework and all these different things. And so I had to say, okay, let's be realistic. Okay. And how can you in a positive way, react to your daughter. Do you need to sit down and have a talk with her? Why do you say you hate math? Okay. Well, a lot of people have trouble with the math. So we're going to work through this together. So when you get angry, if you need to take a break, which my daughter, for whatever reason, she hates to take breaks. If you need to take a break, take a break.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (03:27):
It's like, you can come back and just say, Oh, okay, here we go. Instead of trying to push through this math homework the whole time, when you need a breather. And if I have an instance where let's say the grades, aren't the way that I expect them to be is yelling at them, going to help. It might, but it's not going to make them feel better. It's not going to encourage them at all. And we want to make sure we're encouraging our kids, whether it is in a, yeah, you did such a good job or okay. Let's sit down. Okay. I see you have a C, you have a D so what's going on. So instead of me walking down their throat and saying, I can't believe you got these grades, we sit down and we talk about what is going on. How can we get your grades better?
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (04:18):
Okay. And we set up a plan instead of me [inaudible] and they're scared and they don't know what to do. And maybe they may be thinking in their mind, well, I'm doing the best I can. I don't know. And they may be afraid to say that to you as a parent. So we have to be able to consider that in our minds, maybe they aren't doing the best they can. So if I am being coming at them in a negative way, then guess what? They're going to continue to have negative emotions associated with whatever class it is. But if we come from a healthy, emotional place saying that, Hey, I'm going to talk to your teacher. We're going to work this out. We're going to start staying longer or, or setting more, want to get you a tutor. Then that will help so much more. And knowing our own emotions that will help our kids so much.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (05:16):
Because very often we hide our emotions. We feel like, okay, as parents, as moms, we can't deal with that right now because we have to deal with our kids' emotions. But they're learning from us. They feel that energy. So when we're able to sit down and say to ourselves, I said this to my daughter, she'll get angry and say stuff like I'm stupid. I'm dumb. And I say, no, ma'am. I want you to use the correct words. How do you feel right now? I'm mad because that, or I'm angry because duh, that's what I need you to do with your kids. I have to remind myself and what's yourself. When you're feeling a certain way, don't push it to the back burner. Don't say things that are not correct. Use the correct terminology, express your emotions in a positive way. Talk to a friend, talk to your husband, talk to whomever you need to talk to and express those things.
Be Vulnerable
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (06:17):
Be vulnerable, be open, be transparent because cats, what that's going to teach your kids. That's going to teach them it's okay. My kids have seen me cry. My kids have heard me say, mommy, is frustrated today. Mommy is angry today so that they know how to properly express those emotions. And they will know when they get older and they have kids that they don't have to hide their emotions. They don't have to pretend like they're the perfect mom or the perfect dad and don't get angry or sad. They are able to express those because they seen me do it. So that is something that has helped me so much. And I have to consistently practice it because it wasn't done with me. When I was growing up, I have to consistently practice. I remember cherry. Sometimes you need to let them see you and hear you expressing your emotions in a positive way so that they know, Hey, it's okay to cry.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (07:14):
It's okay. To be sad. It's okay to be happy. It's okay to show yourself some love to speak positively to yourself as well as to your children. So don't forget about yourself when you're speaking those positive words and uplifting words to your kids, do it for yourself as well. Because if you're not, they're going to notice that they're going to say, okay, mommy is always telling me all these good things and saying all these wonderful things, but what about herself? She isn't, or as a dad, he is never saying anything positive about him. So, so that is a great way of expressing yourself, expressing your emotions in a positive way, by being, just being a great example. We so often think, let me take care of the kids. Let me make sure they're doing, let me make sure they're going. Let me make sure they have, but we forget that we are living examples as parents to our children.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins (08:11):
So if they see us saying negative things to ourselves or positive things to them, they're confused. So like why mommy? And they may say something, cause y'all know, kids are honest where they may not say anything. They may just be like, Oh, that's weird that mommy does that. And then they may grow up and do the same thing talking negatively to themselves, but praising their kids. So we want to make sure we are being a positive example, whether we need to take a time out, whether we need to say, okay, let me calm down. Okay. And sit and talk with my kids and let them know my expectations. Well, we really have to sit and be able to self assess. It's so important for us to be able to self assess ourselves as parents, as people to know that we can be a healthy and positive example for our children.
Make sure to watch the full documentary on childhood emotions. You'll learn how to help your child manage their own emotions. You'll learn about your own emotions and how they affect your child. And you'll learn simple ways of helping children improve behavior.
Get more info at
www.learningsuccesssystem.com/documentary/emotional
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